


Crime Pays Handsomely

by TAFKAmayle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Bank Robbery, Blow Jobs, Consensual Non-Consent, Crimes & Criminals, Gun Kink, Hand Jobs, Hostage Situations, M/M, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAFKAmayle/pseuds/TAFKAmayle
Summary: Member of the notorious Fake AH Crew Jeremy aka Rimmy Tim, meets a beautiful civilian stranger with striking blue eyes. An intense love affair begins, tangling them up in a whirlwind of love and sex. A lot of sex.TW: This fic contains a Ryan Haywood character.
Comments: 68
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

Jeremy’s jaw almost hit the floor the first time he saw Ryan, long before he knew his name was Ryan. He was sitting with the customer hostages in the bank Jeremy was robbing, looking entirely out of place among the mortals. He had beautiful, piercing blue eyes and pretty pink lips. Jeremy thought it must be easy to turn them red, he wouldn’t even have to bite that hard.

He had long, lightly colored hair that Jeremy wanted to pull while he fucked him over any flat surface he could find. He was tall though, Jeremy would have to make him bend his knees. Damn, he was hot and he was getting Jeremy hot.

He seemed to realize Jeremy was staring at him as he kept throwing anxious glances his way. Anxious glances that turned to lingering ones. His eyes were sweeping over Jeremy and his face went pink with a blush. _Is he willing?_ Jeremy wondered. 

He certainly _looked_ like he was, his body language suddenly opening towards Jeremy. When Jeremy couldn’t stand the eye-fucking any more, he slung his gun over his back and moved towards him.

“Gold, watch the hostages,” he growled as he seized the man by his bicep and hauled him up, “I need to have a chat with this one.”

Gavin made some form of protesting squawk that Jeremy ignored as he dragged the man off towards the offices. He shoved him in and closed the door. The man set on him immediately, smashing his mouth against Jeremy’s. Jeremy grabbed his shirt and twisted him around, shoving him up against the door. 

He tugged at Jeremy’s belt as Jeremy nipped at his lips and shoved his tongue deep in his mouth. He groaned, his hips jerking towards Jeremy. Once his dick was free, the guy dropped to his knees, startling Jeremy into stumbling back a step. This was all the room the guy needed to get his mouth on Jeremy and sink down smoothly. 

Jeremy gasped, putting a palm on the door to brace himself. His other hand gripped the back of the man’s head, lamenting his hair was braided and therefore he could not use it as a handle to fuck the guy’s mouth. The man moved back and forth, tongue swirling around Jeremy as he bobbed. Jeremy’s eyes rolled back and his eyelashes fluttered. 

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned, “Fuck, your mouth is like heaven.”

The man moaned around him in response and sucked. Jeremy jerked forward, shoving the guy down. 

“So hot, so tight,” he moaned, “Fuck, I could stay here forever. Your tongue is a fucking gift from god.”

The guy moaned around him again and Jeremy looked down to see him fumbling with his own belt. _Praise kink._ Jeremy loosened his hold on his head to let him continue, now staring down at the guy jerking himself off. Which was not easy to see with his head in the way. 

He pulled back until only the head of Jeremy’s cock was in his mouth and pressed his tongue under him. Jeremy groaned as he pressed his top teeth gently down before twisting his head to the side. Jeremy shuddered.

“Fucking Christ,” he muttered as the guy slid down again, “Where the hell did you come from, fantasy?! Fuck, you’re amazing.“

The guy moaned again and Jeremy jolted, tightening up. He seized the guy’s head in both hands and shoved him back and forth.

“So close, so close!” He moaned, “F-fuck! So fucking good, fuck!”

He shuddered as he came, swaying over the guy. The guy swallowed around him. When he could move again, he backed away and tucked himself back into his pants. He dropped down to kneel in front of the guy and shoved him back, slapping his hand away from his dick to take it in his own. 

“F-fuck!” The guy hissed as Jeremy took over.

Jeremy mouthed over his mouth as he jerked him off, shoving his tongue deep inside tasting his own bitterness on his tongue. The guy panted harshly, grabbing at Jeremy’s biceps for support. Jeremy nipped along his jaw, shuddering at the feeling of his stubble on his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to his ear when he reached it and the guy’s hips jerked into his hand. _Sensitive ears._

“Cum for me,” Jeremy whispered.

“Fuck!” The guy shouted as he came.

Jeremy grinned, pressing another kiss to his ear. A shiver ran through the guy and Jeremy leaned back to get tissues from his pocket. He cleaned him up as he caught his breath and tossed the tissues in the trash can not too far from them. 

The guy was staring at him pretty intensely, but Jeremy wasn’t exactly sure what emotion was there. He grinned at him, caressing his cheek.

“Prettiest hostage I’ve ever taken,” he laughed.

The man rolled his eyes with a snort. He was adorably pink though.

_Bang, bang, bang!_

The door rattled from the force of Geoff slamming his fist against it. They both jolted in surprise.

“Rimmy, you better not be doing what I think you’re doing!” He snarled through the door.

Jeremy winced.

“Depends,” Jeremy called back, “What do you think I’m doing?”

_ BANG! _

The guy jumped as the door shook particularly hard. Jeremy sighed and helped him up before pulling open the door. Geoff was red faced and shaking.

“There is a line, Rimmy!” He shouted.

He swung and Jeremy flinched, eyes squeezing closed, but the blow didn’t land. He opened his eyes to see the guy had caught Geoff’s fist. _Whoa! The guy caught a punch from Geoff and isn’t shrieking in pain! Holy shit!_

“I consented,” he stated firmly.

Geoff squinted at him suspiciously, but his anger seemed to deflate a bit. He pulled his hand from the guy.

“You’re not just saying that because you’re scared?” He pressed.

“No, I’m not,” the man assured him, “It was completely consensual.”

Geoff sent a kick to Jeremy’s shin anyway.

“Ow!” Jeremy grunted, “Fuck, why?!”

“Don’t fuck on jobs!” Geoff snapped.

Jeremy glared at him, bringing his leg up to rub at the place he hit.

“Douche!” He huffed, “You do it all the time!” 

“I’m the boss,” Geoff grumbled, “I do what I want. Will you get him back to the others already?! We’re leaving.”

Jeremy clicked his tongue in disappointment, but waved for the guy to follow him. Geoff went off a different direction, probably to track Michael down. Before they got within view of the others, the guy tugged on his sleeve to stop him. 

He was blushing pink, looking adorably shy and nervous.  He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss on Jeremy’s lips that sent butterflies through his stomach. Jeremy pulled him down to kiss him again before they finished the walk and he returned to sit with the other hostages. 

Jeremy couldn’t even look at him, he was blushing so hard. He walked to Gavin and Jack who raised their eyebrows at him.

“Sh-Shut up,” he muttered.

As the last two joined them, Jeremy spared a final look at the guy. His smile lit up his whole face and he waved at Jeremy who instinctively waved back as they started to leave. 

_ Whack! _

Jeremy grunted as he walked into the metal bar separating the double doors. He blushed crimson, head jerking back to see if the guy saw, which he did, of course. He was laughing. 

Jeremy ran out the door, ignoring his friends laughing at him too as they piled into the getaway vehicle. He covered his burning face with his hands. _Fuck, that was so embarrassing!_


	2. Chapter 2

Jeremy met Ryan again on the day he learned his name when his arm was stopped mid-motion as he started to break a car window. He yanked around whoever (Ryan) had grabbed him and slammed them against the car, ready to bash their face in. His own eyes went wide as he recognized the striking blue ones looking up at him. _It’s the guy from the bank._

“K-key?” The guy offered, holding it up, “So I, uh, don’t have to buy a window.”

_Does he remember?_ Jeremy let go of him, taking the key.

“Sorry,” he muttered, “I’ll bring it back.”

“Or...I could go with you?” The guy suggested.

Jeremy’s eyes snapped to his.

“So you don’t have to drive back,” the guy added, “Um, if you’re willing.”

Jeremy opened his mouth, but the sound of sirens jolted him back into business. 

“Get in!” He ordered, clicking the unlock button.

They quickly slid in the car and peeled out, Jeremy eyeing the mirrors. 

“Fuck,” He grumbled as a cop came around the corner.

“Pull over,” the guy hissed.

Jeremy threw him a glare, but before he could tell him to fuck off, the guy reached over the center console and opened his pants. Jeremy was immediately fully erect as he remembered the guy’s mouth. He glanced up at Jeremy who blushed horribly.

“Eager, aren’t we?” He teased.

Jeremy grabbed his hair and shoved him down, with a throaty groan.

“Little shit,” he grunted as he slowed down to pull over, “I’m fucking your pretty face after this.”

He pulled off his beanie so his vivid hair was noticeable. As the cop started towards them, the guy pulled off his dick and Jeremy tucked himself back in. He rolled the window down as the cop pulled even with them. 

“Ahem, hi, Officer, uh, was I speeding?” Jeremy muttered, doing his best to look jittery.

“You were a few miles over,” the cop grunted, “But we’re actually looking...”

He trailed off, seeming to notice Jeremy’s open pants. His eyes flicked to the guy blushing in the passenger seat who shied away from his gaze, wiping at his mouth. 

“Looking for a suspect,” the cop finished, “But I can see he’s not here. You’re free to go.”

He gave them a stern look.

“But I’d suggest staying off the road when having intimate moments,” he scolded.

Jeremy chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yes, sir,” he mumbled, looking sheepish.

The cop smiled and leaned towards him.

“I can see why it’s hard to wait though,” he laughed, winking at the guy.

Jeremy chuckled again, though he wanted to break the cop’s face. They waved and the cop left. Jeremy rolled up the window, smiling tightly as he passed.

“Fucking pig,” he growled through his teeth, “Keep your eyes to yourself.”

As soon as the cop was out of view, the guy’s face was back in his lap.

“Fffuck!” Jeremy hissed, jerking upward, “Who’s eager now?”

The guy flipped him off, but kept moving, sucking and swirling his tongue around Jeremy’s dick. Jeremy threaded his fingers through the guy’s loosened ponytail, testing the waters with gentle pushing. 

The guy moaned around him, vibrations and electricity pulsing up his cock. Jeremy shoved him down and the guy moaned again. One hand snaked down between his own legs, but Jeremy yanked him off. Drool dribbled down his chin and his beautiful eyes were dark with lust. _Fuck, he looks wrecked._

“No touching yourself,” Jeremy ordered, “That belongs to me now.”

“Y-Yes, sir,” the guy groaned breathlessly.

Fire exploded in Jeremy, the heat surging through him. Fuck, he wanted everything from him. Wanted to devour him. He gripped his face and shoved a hard, open kiss against his mouth. He nipped his tongue and the guy moaned in his mouth. Jeremy pulled away, pressing a light kiss on his lips.

“Good boy,” he praised against his mouth, “Now back to work.”

He shoved him back down onto his dick. The guy’s back dipped as Jeremy fucked his face, like he was searching for something to fuck himself on.

“Fucking Christ, you’re slutty,” Jeremy moaned, “So naughty, look at you presenting your ass to be fucked while I use your mouth. One cock not enough little whore? F-fuck! Fuck!”

He jerked a few more times as he released in the guy’s throat. He moaned softly as the guy swallowed his cum. Jeremy untangled his hand from the guy’s hair and pulled him off gently. The guy looked even more wrecked. 

Shaky with need, blue eyes dark with arousal and wet with tears, cum and saliva dripped from his mouth. Jeremy leaned forward and licked his cum off his chin, before swiping his tongue into the guy’s mouth. He thought his own jizz almost tasted good.

“Good boy,” he panted between sloppy kisses, “Come over here to get your reward, baby.”

The guy nearly beamed himself on the doorframe in his haste to straddle Jeremy. Jeremy kissed his throat as he opened his pants. 

“Pl-please!” He whined.

Jeremy chuckled and yanked the seat release, sending them back with an adorable squeak from the other man. He grabbed his ass, pulling him up, and after a moment of awkward positioning, got the guy in his mouth. 

“F-fuck!” The guy growled, as Jeremy lifted him by his hips, “Fucking Christ, you’re strong!”

Jeremy smirked as he sucked on the guy’s cock. He lifted and lowered the guy, fucking him into his mouth while the guy growled “fuck” over and over until he came, smashing his hips through Jeremy’s hold onto his face. He shuddered as Jeremy swallowed and swayed, awkwardly trying to shuffle backwards. 

“Not the best position,” Jeremy laughed as soon as his mouth was free, “Beds are better for this shit.”

The guy was staring at him with the Look again, but Jeremy suddenly remembered another look he was going to get.

“Shit fuck!” He grunted, quickly sitting up and helping the guy back into the passenger seat, “Geoff’s gonna fucking kill me!”

He turned on the car and screeched back onto the road. 

“Hey, seatbelt,” the guy grumbled hoarsely.

Jeremy threw him a “really?” look, but put on the seatbelt. 

“Sorry, you okay?” He muttered, “I’ll cuddle you super hard after I get chewed out, I promise.”

“I’m fine,” the guy laughed, “No aftercare necessary today.”

“What a cute laugh,” Jeremy commented brightly.

The guy scowled through his blush.

“It’s not nice to make fun,” He grumbled.

Jeremy frowned, eyes snapping to him sharply.

“I’m not!” He insisted, “You have a cute laugh!”

The guy blushed harder and opened his glovebox, ignoring the comment as he pulled out a hairbrush. He tugged out his ponytail holder and started brushing his hair. His hair was beautiful and blocking his face when he spoke again.

“Th-Thank you,” He mumbled quietly.

Jeremy’s heart squeezed. _Holy shit. He used charm! It’s super effective! My heart, fuck!_ He suddenly considered changing his profession, going legit. He could change his whole life for this guy. 

“Fuck, you’re dangerous,” he muttered out loud.

The guy gave him a confused look as he tied his hair back.

_“I’m_ dangerous?” He scoffed, “Your dick is still out by the way.”

“Well, I’m driving,” Jeremy grunted, “Be a good boy, put me away.”

The guy blushed as he leaned over and put him back in his pants. 

“Good boy,” Jeremy praised, patting his head briefly, “What’s your name?”

The guy looked worried about that question.

“Uh, okay, I’m a criminal,” Jeremy reasoned, “So I can see why you wouldn’t want me to know. That’s fine. What should I call you in my dreams though?”

He flashed him a grin with a wink and the guy rolled his eyes.

“Call me what you called me before,” he muttered, looking away.

“What, good boy?” Jeremy answered, getting a furious blush in return, “Is Good Boy a good name for you?”

“Sh-Shut up!” Good Boy hissed, blushing harder, “I m-meant hostage.”

“Too late, I changed it in my head already,” Jeremy laughed, “I guess Pretty Hostage works too.”

Pretty Hostage covered his face.

“Y-you’re the worst!” He groaned miserably, “Fine! My name is Ryan! Jesus.”

“I’m Ri-uh,” Jeremy sputtered, hesitating.

_No, it’s not fair to use the code name when he told me his real name._

“Jeremy,” He finally said, “Um, I’m J-Jeremy. Th-that’s my name.”

Ryan looked at him with raised eyebrows and Jeremy felt a bit of anxiety in his guts.

“That’s my real name,” he mumbled, “So, um, don’t go spreading that around. Please.”

Ryan gave him a tiny smirk.

“I’ll be good for you, sir,” he teased.

Jeremy felt a stirring in his pants.

“Dangerous,” He grunted, “Fucking dangerous.”

Ryan just grinned at him. When they got to the meetup, Jeremy had to once again embarrass himself by trying to exit the car still with the seatbelt attached. Then as he clicked it loose, he beamed his head on the doorframe. 

Ryan stifled laughter as Jeremy stumbled his way out of the car, red-faced and completely humiliated. _Fuck my life, man, just fuck it._ Then of course he got kicked in the shin for fucking on the job again. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Shit fuck ass,” Jeremy grunted, spitting blood, “You hit hard for a piece of shit.”

“Great comeback, Rimmy,” his enemy huffed, “This is the legendary bruiser of Fake AH?”

“Nope,” Jeremy answered, “Keep fighting me though and he might show up.”

He blocked the hook, deflected the upper, and front kicked the guy in the sternum, sending him reeling. He swept his unbalanced legs and stomped on his face. He spat more blood and rubbed his sore jaw. Then he retrieved the crowbar, dropping it into the appropriate belt loop. He twisted side to side before hopping up.

He grabbed the edge of the fire escape and hoisted himself up. He quickly got himself up over the railing and started ascending the stairs. Three flights up, bullets started zipping and pinging all around him. 

Of course the guy had backup. He flipped the crowbar back out of his belt to smash through a nearby window when a familiar face stopped him. 

“Ryan?!” He called.

Ryan opened the window.

“Why do you keep trying to break my damn windows?!” He shouted.

“I’m not doing it-AGH!” Jeremy shouted in pain as a bullet hit his calf.

He held up a finger and turned around. The backup was reloading and he flung the crowbar at them, beaming them in the head and knocking them out. He turned back to Ryan and put his upper body through the window, pulling himself through. Ryan closed his window while Jeremy fumbled for his phone.

“Come on,” Ryan grunted, helping him up.

Jeremy limped after him as Geoff answered the call.

“Hey, _fuck my ass,_ I’m hit,” Jeremy growled, “C-calf.”

“Of course you are,” Geoff grumbled, “Are you safe now?”

Ryan led him into a bathroom and handed him a towel. Jeremy sat on the edge of his bathtub.

“F-for now,” Jeremy muttered, “Bout to do some home surgery.”

Ryan looked at him sharply. He seemed adverse to this idea. _Oh well._ Jeremy started pulling up his pant leg, hissing.

“Alright, send us an address,” Geoff sighed, “Don’t die again.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes before taking a closer look at the wound.

“Die one time,” He huffed, “And you never hear the end of it.”

“Never mind, do die,” Geoff grunted, “It was nice knowing you. Goodbye.”

Jeremy grunted in annoyance as Geoff hung up and dropped his phone next to the tub. He frowned at the wound, considering whether he should bother trying to dig the thing out. 

Bullets were a pain in the ass when it came to metal detectors. He’d had to dig a bullet out several months after an incident because it was causing a problem. 

“I n-need some tweezers or p-pliers,” he muttered, “Would you happen t-to have any?”

Ryan got him some tweezers and bandages. After a bit of hesitating, he got a needle and thread at his request. 

“J-Just need it c-closed,” he explained, “T-Turn. You w-won’t like it.”

Ryan winced as Jeremy took up the tweezers. He turned around and sat cross-legged on the floor. 

“Does this happen to you a lot?” He muttered.

“M-More than, ngh, I-I’d like,” Jeremy grunted as he started digging.

“Why don’t you quit?” Ryan asked, “Surely civilian life would be better.”

“Well, I, fuck, I-I like cr-criminal life,” Jeremy huffed as he got a hold of the bullet.

“You’re a masochist,” Ryan snorted.

“N-No, s-sadist,” Jeremy muttered tightly as he struggled to pull out the bullet, “I-I thought you’d have figured th-that out.”

He sighed in relief as he got the bullet free and dropped it and the tweezers to the side.

“I g-guess,” Ryan mumbled.

Jeremy looked up to see his ears were red. _Adorable._ They were quiet as he stitched the wound. He wiped sweat off his forehead and stood to get his clothes off.

“I’m borrowing your shower,” he announced, hissing as he got his jeans off.

Ryan stood and turned to help him get the rest off. His eyes were drawn to all the bruises and scars on his body. Jeremy could see him calculating what each wound was. Jeremy’s heart felt like a humming bird as Ryan’s gentle fingers brushed over his battered and bloody body. 

He looked up at him to find his eyes were watery. He reached for him, cupping his face in his bloody hands. Ryan gripped his wrists loosely as the tears spilled out of his eyes.

“What is it?” Jeremy prompted gently.

“N-Nothing,” Ryan answered, sniffling, “I j-just thought how awful it must b-be, g-getting injured all the time.”

“It’s not so bad,” Jeremy assured him, “I would love some pain killers though.”

Ryan nodded, pulling away to wipe at his tears.

“You shower, I’ll bring them,” he mumbled.

Jeremy smiled and nodded, turning to get in his shower. Civilian life would probably be better. With Ryan, it definitely could be. He turned on the water and let it rinse off the blood. He looked down as the water ran over him.

_ The water, it runs red, _

_ Have I drifted, gone astray? _

_ My congress with the dead, _

_ Did I forget what to say? _

“Jeremy?” Ryan called softly, “Are you alright?”

“Come here,” Jeremy murmured.

The sound of clothing dropping to the floor was comforting. Like it was proof Ryan was tangible. Ryan opened the curtain and stepped inside. Jeremy ran his hands up Ryan’s chest to his neck and pulled him down to kiss him. _I’m alive._

He broke off to trail kisses down Ryan’s throat and chest. He lowered himself and Ryan’s cock was hardening as he did so.

“Jeremy,” Ryan breathed as Jeremy put his mouth around him, “Fuck. J-Jeremy.”

His name had never sounded so sweet. 

“Jeremy, I-I d-don’t...” Ryan huffed, “P-Please will you f-fuck me?”

Jeremy looked up in surprise. _Really?_ Ryan’s eyes were tightly closed and his face was bright red. 

“P-Please?” He tried again.

Jeremy pulled off of him and stood up. Ryan opened his eyes, struggling to meet his. Jeremy pulled him in for a kiss and Ryan shuddered as they pressed against each other. 

“Lube?” Jeremy prompted when they parted.

Ryan leaned around him and picked up a bottle of lube. Jeremy looked at it in surprise.

“You have lube in your shower,” he commented, “Why-Oh. _Oh.”_

He grinned up at Ryan who was not looking at him again, face redder than ever. 

“Well, you know I’m injured,” Jeremy pointed out, “I shouldn’t strain myself.”

He pushed the bottle of lube back into Ryan’s hands. Ryan squeezed the bottle, looking at him shyly. Jeremy smirked at him.

“Be a good boy now,” Jeremy ordered, “Show me how you play with yourself.”

Ryan covered his face a moment before he opened the bottle and poured lube on his fingers. He turned his knees inward and reached around himself. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. 

Jeremy felt dizzy with how quick all his blood rushed south. Ryan’s thighs trembled as he pushed a finger inside himself. Jeremy couldn’t really see it, but he preferred to see his face reacting to it. He rubbed his own cock as he watched Ryan’s harden completely. 

Ryan groaned, his pretty lips parting. His body shuddered and Jeremy’s cock started to leak. _Fuck, he needs to hurry before I lose it._ Ryan groaned again and his eyelids fluttered open.

“Jeremy,” he whimpered.

Jeremy gripped his arm and pushed him around. He took the slippery bottle and nearly fumbled it as he moved to pour a generous amount on himself. Ryan dipped down to meet him and Jeremy blushed a little. He was obviously self-conscious about his height. He felt less self-conscious as he pushed into Ryan and he shuddered and moaned.

“F-Fuck, Jeremy, y-you feel so good,” he huffed, rocking back against him, “I-I’ve been-I-I didn’t touch myself at all! N-Not s-since you told me not to! I’ve been r-really good!”

“Yes you have,” Jeremy purred, running his hands over his sides, “Such a good boy for me and you feel so good, baby. So warm and tight.”

Ryan moaned, back dipping. Jeremy thrust shallowly a few times to ease into it before he thrust deeper. Ryan’s hands curled into fists and he trembled as Jeremy pushed deeply inside him and pulled back before thrusting deep again.

“Fuck, y-you look so good l-like this,” Jeremy groaned, “Trembling, losing it on my cock. S-So pretty.”

Ryan moaned again, thrusting back to meet him. Jeremy reached around him to jerk him off.

“Please, no,” he whimpered, “Please, I-I wanna cum f-from your cock.”

“Fucking Christ,” Jeremy hissed.

He gripped Ryan’s hip with one hand as he rubbed the other up his chest. He angled for Ryan’s prostate and found it based on the cry that came from Ryan’s lips. He thrust quicker, now feeling rather desperate. 

Ryan grabbed the hand on his chest, squeezing as his body tightened. Jeremy’s heart pounded in his ears as they got closer. 

“Jeremy,” Ryan gasped as he came.

Jeremy thrusting went sloppy and he came a few seconds after him. He dropped his forehead between Ryan’s shoulder blades. He hissed as his wound reminded what he was doing there.

“We gotta stop meeting when I’m committing crime,” he muttered.

Ryan’s shoulders shook as he laughed. He laughed harder when Jeremy slipped on the way out of the tub and took his shower curtain down with him. 

“You’re an asshole, I just want you to know,” Jeremy grumbled as he hauled himself up off the floor. 

“Why are you always so clumsy afterwards?” Ryan snorted. 

“I don’t fucking know!” Jeremy huffed, “I don’t make these stupid rules.”

Geoff was less than thrilled when he and Gavin arrived to find Jeremy had managed to run into Ryan again. Jeremy’s shin was safe though since the job was over when they fucked this time. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Don’t worry, it isn’t loaded,” Jeremy murmured in Ryan’s ear, “Sorry about this.”

The muzzle nosed against Ryan’s ribs.

“Are you stalking me or something?!” Ryan hissed.

“If I was stalking you, you wouldn’t know about it,” Jeremy scoffed.

He sighed. Geoff was speaking to the powers that be or whatever. Jeremy’s job was just to handcuff and keep his gun on the hostage who had turned out to be Ryan. Jeremy glanced around the room.

“So you’re like a computer guy or something?” He questioned lightly.

“I’m a _software developer,”_ Ryan snorted.

“Cool,” Jeremy grunted.

“So...do you have a regular job?” Ryan mumbled.

“Nope, been a thief my whole life,” Jeremy admitted, “I have a terrible resumé. No useful skills.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Ryan answered.

He gave Jeremy a cheeky grin. _Dangerous._ Jeremy pressed the gun more firmly into Ryan’s robs.

“Watch it, hostage,” He warned.

Ryan shuddered, face going red. Jeremy smirked. He did love a good role play. 

“Y-You don’t have to k-kill me,” Ryan breathed, “I-I can be useful, s-sir.”

Ryan seemed to like a good role play too. Now Jeremy just had to very carefully pretend that taking Ryan had always been part of the plan. Geoff was gonna be mad. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Geoff hissed as they marched out of the building.

“You remember Ryan, don’t you?” Jeremy murmured.

Geoff squinted up at him.

“Damnit, it’s the fucking slut again,” he grumbled, “Are you doing this on purpose?! Are you telling him where to be?!”

“What? No!” Jeremy snapped, “I’m not a fucking idiot!”

“I just want to point out it’s been months,” Ryan spoke up, “Obviously if we were doing it on purpose we’d have done it more often.”

“You saying you’re itching for it?” Jeremy teased.

Ryan went red.

“Sh-Shut up!” He huffed.

“I’m surrounded by fucking morons,” Geoff grumbled, “If you get jizz in the van, I’m killing you. Permanently this time.”

“One time,” Jeremy muttered bitterly.

He shoved Ryan into the back of the van. Geoff gave him an annoyed look before getting in the second car with Jack. Jeremy was too excited to worry about how much trouble he was in. Later Jeremy could deal with that. Now Jeremy was about to fuck Ryan stupid.

“Just to clarify,” He grunted, glancing back at Ryan, “We’re pretending I’m coercing you into sex, right?”

“Y-Yes,” Ryan squeaked, “Or s-something like that.”

“Safeword?” Jeremy prompted.

“Uh, unicorn?” Ryan suggested.

“Aces!” Jeremy exclaimed, swerving off onto a back road.

Ryan yelped as he rolled into the side of the van.

“Asshole!” He grunted.

“Shut it, bitch,” Jeremy growled.

He screeched to a stop and Ryan yelped again as he slid forward. He moved through the front seats to the back and Ryan scrambled backwards at his approach. 

“What’s wrong?” Jeremy sneered, “I thought you could be useful.”

He pulled the unloaded gun from his waistband and Ryan froze.

“I-I c-can!” he quickly assured, “I c-can do i-it!”

“Do what, huh?” Jeremy taunted, “What can you do for me?”

“Wh-Whatever you want,” Ryan answered shakily.

“You’re not very creative,” Jeremy snorted, leaning over him, “Open your mouth.”

Ryan hesitated a moment before his lips parted.

“Wider,” Jeremy ordered, “Let me see your throat.”

Ryan opened his mouth wider, dipping his tongue. Jeremy moved to push the gun into his mouth and Ryan flinched.

“Un-unicorn, unicorn!” He sputtered, sliding back an inch. 

“Sorry, you okay?” Jeremy grunted, pulling the gun back.

“You’re sure it’s unloaded?” Ryan questioned.

Jeremy flipped it up to show the empty spot where the clip should be. Then he flicked off the safety, pointed it at the side of the van, and fired. Ryan relaxed with a relieved sigh.

“Okay, that’s okay then,” he muttered.

He opened his mouth again, nodding Jeremy on. Jeremy slid the gun over his tongue and he choked as he accepted it, no doubt from the awkward shape and the sharp metal taste. Jeremy’s hips pressed down against Ryan’s as the muzzle disappeared into his mouth. Ryan moaned around the gun.

“Ooh, what’s this?” Jeremy taunted, “Did I pick up a little freak?”

Ryan whimpered, his blush deepening as he squeezed his eyes closed. 

“Come on and show me your skills,” Jeremy ordered, “And maybe I’ll replace it with my cock. I bet you’d prefer I shoot that off in your throat, wouldn’t you?”

Ryan whimpered again, nodding as well as he could before he carefully pulled back and pushed forward, gagging. Jeremy watched his throat bobbing as he swallowed and his lips squeezing as he sucked. He was struggling a bit to get the gun wet enough to slide in his mouth. Jeremy’s own mouth watered in response, recalling what it felt like to have a gun in it. His had been loaded though.

He pulled the gun away and Ryan blinked dazedly as he mouthed after it. Jeremy squeezed the grip, watching Ryan’s saliva drip down the black metal. He licked the gun, chasing the warmth and taste of Ryan’s mouth on it.

“H-Holy fuck,” Ryan huffed, “That is fucking hot.”

Jeremy grinned at him.

“You have quite the danger fetish, don’t you?” He teased.

“D-Doesn’t everyone?” Ryan mumbled, looking away in embarrassment.

Jeremy laughed and spun the gun on his finger before slipping it in his waistband and moving down to pull down Ryan’s pants. Ryan made a distressed noise.

“Y-You said you w-were going t-to put it in m-my mouth!” He cried.

“No I didn’t,” Jeremy scoffed, “I said maybe I would. What’s wrong, you a virgin?”

Ryan threw him a dry look and Jeremy just laughed as he got Ryan’s pants and underwear off past one of his shoes. Ryan’s knees came together, trying to hide himself from view.

“Must be, look how shy you are,” Jeremy sneered, forcing Ryan’s legs apart.

Ryan shuddered, letting out a tiny cry. 

“P-Please!” He whimpered.

Jeremy ignored him, pulling lube from his pocket and smearing it over his asshole. Ryan shivered from the coldness.

“I like virgins,” Jeremy grunted, rubbing over Ryan’s slick hole, “They’re adorable. But I really like loose little freaks like you.”

He shoved his middle finger inside Ryan who jolted, twisting up a bit with a cry. 

“Because you are so fucking into it,” Jeremy huffed, “Your little cock is practically throbbing.”

“N-No!” Ryan sobbed.

Jeremy punished his lying by harshly shoving a second finger inside him. He cried out, his back arching up. Jeremy looped his arm around the small of his back as his feet tried to push him away from Jeremy’s forcefulness. 

“Ah, ah!” He scolded as Ryan squirmed, “You asked for this. I can be useful, you said.”

“I-It hurts!” Ryan whined as Jeremy fucked his fingers into him.

“Baby,” Jeremy snorted.

Ryan whined as he finger fucked him, crying softly from the burning. Jeremy just watched his aching cock leaking on his belly where his shirt had ridden up and his twisted up face as he panted and cried. He was still arched up, on his toes trying to pull away, but unable to go anywhere with Jeremy holding him in place. _Fucking Christ, he’s beautiful._

Jeremy fumbled with his belt, the lube on his fingers proving to be completely unhelpful. He switched arms and quickly got his cock out. He blushed when Ryan had to dip his ass down to meet him, having arched too high for him to reach. He cried out as Jeremy pushed into him, his body trying to rock away. Jeremy held him tightly.

“You’re not getting away, baby,” he sneered, “You’re g-gonna take what I give y-you.”

“P-Please, it h-hurts!” Ryan sobbed.

Jeremy shuddered, jerking forward sharply. Ryan screamed as he pushed flush against him, twisting away. Jeremy knew it was an act though, since it could not be that painful with how relaxed and loose he was. He choked around a moan as Jeremy thrusted into him. 

“There’s my pretty little freak,” Jeremy cooed, putting his hand around Ryan’s dick, “Come on, baby, show me that pretty O face.”

Ryan shuddered, moaned, and jerked, cumming over his belly. Jeremy gripped his hips, slamming into him as he shook from his orgasm. He grunted as he came, squeezing Ryan’s hips, holding him flush against him. 

“Fuck,” He huffed.

He let Ryan down, leaning forward to kiss him lightly before he started cleaning him up.

“You good?” He grunted, “You’re quiet.”

Ryan didn’t answer. Jeremy looked up.

“Ry?” He prompted, squeezing his thigh.

Ryan shifted, his forehead wrinkling. _Oh, he fell asleep._ Jeremy snorted as he put him back together. He rolled him to his side and put an arm around him. 

“Dork,” he mumbled, kissing the back of his neck.

Ryan’s lips twitched upward and he hummed in his sleep. _Does he know it’s me?_ Jeremy blushed at the thought of Ryan smiling because he knew Jeremy was kissing him. He was rather triumphant this round, considering he’d managed not to trip and fall on his face in any way. 

He did whack his head on the roof when they got up to leave, but he was confident that Ryan hadn’t seen it that time. Especially since Ryan willingly exchanged numbers with him. _Take that cosmic forces! I didn’t trip and I got his number!_


	5. Chapter 5

Jeremy’s leg was bouncing as he waited. He sipped his coffee, put it back down and immediately picked it back up. Then put it down again. Date. He had a date. A real live date. Him. Jeremy Dooley had a date. With essentially a male model.

Speaking of. The little bell chimed as Ryan opened the door. Jeremy stood abruptly, whacking his knee on the table. It sent the container of sugar off the table, which he tried to save, but ended up sending the creamer packets over too. He dropped down to pick it up, whacking his forehead on the edge of the table.

“Er, are you alright sir?” Someone questioned.

“Y-Yeah, I’m-“

He slammed his head on the underside of the table as he tried to hurriedly stand back up. This sent the coffee cup over the edge finally. He practically dove for it, catching and then immediately dropping it as hot coffee poured over his hands. 

“Uh, Jeremy?” Ryan’s voice called.

Jeremy jerked upright, knocking over the table as he abruptly stood. His face was bright red.

“Um, s-sorry!” He sputtered at the employee, “I-I’ll j-just leave, s-sorry!”

He fumbled his wallet with shaking hands, dropping a wad of cash. Then he nearly sprinted from the place, though he managed to whack his head one last time, on the door this time. He didn’t make it three steps before he tripped and landed on the pavement. 

“Jeremy, are you alright?” Ryan murmured, crouching next to him.

“No!” Jeremy groaned miserably, “This is the most embarrassing day of my fucking life!”

“Because you’re clumsy around the man you like?” Ryan teased.

“Sh-Shut up!” Jeremy huffed, “Just let me die here!”

_What a nightmare._ Ryan prodded his shoulder.

“No can do, darlin’,” he insisted, “We still haven’t had our date.”

Jeremy looked up at him.

“You still want to date after that?” He muttered, “Are you an idiot?”

“Must be,” Ryan snorted, “If I’m gonna date a famous criminal.”

Jeremy sat up, sighing.

“At least I’ll get you expensive gifts,” he grumbled as he stood.

“Well, where are they?” Ryan scoffed, “You haven’t given me one yet.”

Jeremy blushed and pulled free the gift he’d brought, holding it out to him. Ryan looked at it in surprise.

“Oh, I was...joking,” he murmured, “I didn’t actually expect one.”

He took the little box and opened it up. He stared at the contents a moment. Jeremy’s heart sank.

“You don’t like it,” he guessed.

“No, no!” Ryan assured him quickly, “I love it, I just-“

He choked, suddenly wiping at tears.

“N-No one’s ever gotten me something s-so pretty before,” he sniffled.

Jeremy’s eyebrows went up.

“What? No one’s spoiled you before?” He demanded, “What an absolute outrage. You’re so sweet and pretty!”

Ryan blushed, awkwardly trying to cover his face while holding the box. He shoved it at Jeremy.

“Y-You put it in!” He sniffled, turning around.

Jeremy lifted on his toes and tugged Ryan’s hair tie down a bit to put the jeweled clasp around his hair, before pulling it off completely. The curly silver metal and the pretty blue sapphires looked beautiful against Ryan’s sandy hair. He turned back around, taking his hair tie. He fidgeted with it a moment, his face pink.

“D-Does it look pretty?” He mumbled. 

Jeremy nearly exploded into a million pieces. He took Ryan’s face in his hands and kissed him firmly.

“Of course it does,” he answered, pulling back, “It’s on the prettiest man alive.”

Ryan went completely red and he threw his hands up to cover his face. Jeremy grinned. _So cute._ He took one of his hands and kissed his cheek.

“Where do you wanna go now that I’ve destroyed the coffee shop?” He questioned.

“There’s an ice cream shop down the street,” Ryan suggested.

“Sounds good,” Jeremy agreed, “I do love ice cream.”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Ryan snorted as they started walking. 

“You’ve got a point,” Jeremy laughed, “Ice cream is pretty universal. What’s your favorite?”

“Strawberry, what’s yours?” 

“Oh, I like-“

He was interrupted by the Imperial March playing on his phone. He scrambled to get it from his pocket.

“One sec, sorry!” He grunted, before he answered the phone, “Boss?”

_Bang! Bang! Crash!_

Jeremy winced at the sound of a gunfight.

“Geoff?!” He shouted, through the phone.

“Jeffers and Carson!” Geoff screamed back, “Gavin’s hit!”

“I’m coming!”

Jeremy hung up, looking around for where he put his bike. They luckily hadn’t gone far.

“Ry, I’m really sorry,” he muttered, squeezing his hand, “I have to go. Gav-it’s an emergency, okay? I’ll text you, okay?”

“I’ll go with you,” Ryan blurted, “I have my car, it’ll be better to escape in, right? I c-can be useful too!”

He went red.

“N-Not like before!” He hurriedly amended, “I mean I can shoot. I-I want to help!”

Jeremy hesitated.

“No, it’s too dangerous,” he dismissed, “You’ll get hurt. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you got hurt.”

He leaned in and kissed Ryan lightly before turning.

“Jeffers and Carson,” Ryan recited, “I-I’ll go anyway!”

Jeremy turned back.

“You little-!” He growled, “Are you an idiot?! I’m telling you, you’ll get hurt!”

“I’m telling you I won’t!” Ryan fired back, “I don’t care if I do! I want to be by your side and you’re not going to stop me!”

“You are infuriating!” Jeremy snapped, launching at him.

He smashed his mouth on Ryan’s.

“God, that’s fucking hot,” he huffed, sloppily mouthing at him, “Standing by my side. Partners in crime. You stubborn, beautiful man. We are so fucking after we save my friends.”

“Uh, o-oh, um, o-okay!” Ryan squeaked, red-faced.

Jeremy grabbed his hand to drag him to his bike where he retrieved a gun from the seat compartment and passed it over. Then they went to Ryan’s car. Ryan patted his pockets for his keys while Jeremy unlocked the drivers side door. 

“How much have you stolen from me??” Ryan demanded as they slid in the car.

Jeremy gave him a wicked grin as he peeled out.

~

Jeremy pulled around the back alley behind the warehouse and checked his gun before starting to get out of the car. He paused a moment.

“Here,” he grunted.

He pulled off his leather jacket and handed it over to Ryan.

“There’s a second gun in the holster,” he explained, pulling the jacket open to show the sewn in holster, “We should probably at least try to disguise you. You being a civilian and all.”

“How though?” Ryan muttered, “Aren’t we on a time crunch?”

“Yeah...fuck, maybe you should just wait here,” Jeremy suggested, “A quick getaway might be helpful actually and your face won’t be seen.”

“If that’s what you think is best,” Ryan agreed, “You’re the expert.”

“Just be ready to move,” Jeremy instructed, “And keep an eye out bad guys.”

“I found one,” Ryan snorted, throwing him a dry look.

“Bad guy, good lay,” Jeremy joked.

He pecked Ryan’s lips and got out to go rescue his friends. Maybe. Hopefully.

He crept up to the building and peeked in a window. Most of the fire seemed to be aimed at the wall to the left where several pallets of crates were lined up. That must be their cover. There was at least ten enemies. 

“How are you gonna take that many?” Ryan wondered.

Jeremy jumped and almost slammed his elbow into his face. 

“Fucking christ, Ry!” He hissed, “Scared the shit out of me. What happened to you being our getaway driver??”

“I remembered one of your friends is hit,” Ryan answered, shrugging, “I thought maybe you’d need help getting him to the car. If we split them, it’ll be easier, right? Five is better than ten.”

“You’re really leaning into this,” Jeremy snorted.

“I think I’ll have a panic attack afterward,” Ryan muttered.

“It’s always good to schedule your panic attacks ahead of time,” Jeremy joked, “You go for the closer five, I’ll get the further five.”

“Got it.”

Jeremy eased the window open and they aimed. He hissed out a countdown and they fired on the unsuspecting enemies. Ryan _could_ shoot, but he was terrible at it. Most of his shots ended up in limbs or the surrounding warehouse, but it was better than nothing. After getting a few downed and drawing their attention, Jeremy waved for Ryan to follow and they hopped in the window. 

Jeremy was unsurprised, but still annoyed, when more enemies came crawling out of the woodwork. They took cover not too far from the window and traded fire for a bit before anything major happened. The major thing that happened was the Vagabond was truly born. Of course at the time they didn’t know it, but later this moment would go down in Fake AH history. 

Someone shot far above their heads. Jeremy thought the idea was to distract them by bringing down a shelf above them. The shelf happened to be laden with paint. Black paint. Black paint that exploded when it was shot, suddenly pouring down directly on Ryan’s head. 

“What the fuck?!” Jeremy huffed as he was splashed with some of the paint himself. 

Ryan sputtered, freezing as the paint dropped down on him. Jeremy winced.

“Shit, are you alright??” He grunted, “Did it get in your eyes?”

Ryan didn’t answer. He turned his head and touched his hair. His blue eyes were cold and flat. It had covered the top half of his face, the droplets rolling down his cheeks to his jaw and dripping off onto the borrowed jacket. It looked terrifying with his emotionless expression.

He holstered the gun in his hand while Jeremy tried to focus on the fight and his odd behavior. He pulled something from the jacket and slowly turned, lifting up. Jeremy tried to hiss he should stay down, sending covering fire, but Ryan didn’t appear to register his words. Ryan’s arm jerked in a sharp motion and something flew from it. 

Jeremy frowned, sitting up to peek over their cover as someone suddenly screamed in pain. Ryan moved again and again and again while Jeremy watched in awe, doing his best to cover him. _Knives._ Throwing knives. Ryan was deadly accurate with them, hitting a half dozen eyeballs before crouching down again. 

“What. The. Fuck,” Jeremy wondered, in total awe.

Ryan shifted the sheath in his hand, revealing another row of knives, which he stood and again hit six eyeballs with. Jeremy had never been so turned on while also extremely worried in his life. The fight was essentially over now and Ryan moved out from cover toward the people they’d just demolished. Jeremy followed quickly, shooting anyone looking like they might try to keep fighting. 

“Uh, you okay?” Jeremy muttered as Ryan looked through the destruction, “What are you looking for?”

Ryan did not speak. He was totally freaking Jeremy out, but Jeremy found himself bizarrely into it. _Jesus Christ, this is so fucked right now, but he looks so hot like this._ Ryan found what he was looking for, or rather _who,_ and a switchblade was suddenly in his hand. Jeremy recognized it as his. He watched as Ryan put his hand over the person’s mouth and slit their throat. He just stared as Ryan watched them die. 

“Uh, Rimmy, who’s the mute?” Geoff’s voice questioned.

Jeremy looked over to see him coming forward, holding up Gavin. 

“That’s a great fucking question, boss,” He answered, “I wish I could tell you.”

Ryan stood, wiping the blood from the knife and turned to them. Jeremy was looking at the scariest motherfucker in the room trying to remind himself this was sweet Ryan who blushed at being called pretty.Ryan moved toward Geoff and put his arm around Gavin to help him out of the warehouse. They piled into the car and Jeremy drove them out of there. 

Ryan reached back and unfastened the clasp Jeremy had bought him and tried to rub it clean on the edge of his shirt. It did not appear to be working out. Jeremy raised an eyebrow as Ryan stared down at it with wide eyes. 

“Er, Ry?” Jeremy called softly, “You awake in there?”

Ryan’s fist went through the passenger window in response. 

“That fucker ruined it!” He growled, “I’ll never get all the paint off!”

“Ry, baby, it’s okay,” Jeremy assured him, reaching out to squeeze his knee, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes, it is!” Ryan shouted, “Don’t you understand?! No one has ever-!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the back of his hand between them.

“I don’t want to talk about this in front of your friends,” he muttered tiredly.

“Okay, we can talk later,” Jeremy murmured, squeezing his knee again.

Ryan was quiet for the rest of the trip.


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan was quiet when they got to the safe house. He was quiet when he let them patch up his hand. He was quiet as he sat on the balcony, staring out into the forest as though he didn’t see it at all.

“Who the fuck is this guy??” Geoff hissed at Jeremy.

“Uh...it’s Ryan,” Jeremy murmured.

“Yes, I gathered that!” Geoff snapped, “You said he was a civilian!”

“He _is,”_ Jeremy answered, “He looked queasy at the gunshot to my calf, dude. I don’t know _what_ this is about.”

“Well, if you can get him emotionally stable, offer him a damn job,” Jack snorted, “12 bullseyes with throwing knives?? No one else here can do that.”

“Not to mention there’s already buzz about him,” Geoff grumbled, “I’ve gotten a dozen messages asking about this guy.”

“He helped Gavin,” Michael piped up, “That’s all I give a fuck about.”

Ray mumbled some agreement with the sentiment from where he was dozing on the couch. They all turned to Jeremy who sighed heavily. _I didn’t want him to jump this fully into the life, but it looks like he belongs here more than I realized._

“Alright, I’ll talk to him,” he muttered, “But no promises. It’s probably just a fluke.”

He approached the balcony door, stepping out and closing it behind him. The others all gave him thumbs up that he ignored. He sat next to Ryan and hesitantly squeezed his arm.

“You hear all that with your super hearing?” He joked lightly.

“Yes.”

Jeremy swallowed nervously. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He offered, “Or would you just like to rest for now?”

“Jeremy, do you know what it’s like not to have a home?” Ryan asked quietly.

“Yes,” Jeremy answered.

”And I imagine before them, you didn’t have a family either,” Ryan guessed.

“No, I didn’t,” Jeremy confirmed.

“Do you remember how fiercely protective you were of them when you first became family?” Ryan questioned, “Do you remember times you acted irrationally at the mere _idea_ of them being insulted?”

“How...did you know I acted like that?” Jeremy wondered.

Ryan finally looked at him, eyes filled with tears.

“How do you think?” He whispered.

Jeremy pulled him into a hug as he realized. _Don’t worry, you have me now. You won’t be alone any more._ Ryan gripped him around the waist, burying his face in Jeremy’s shoulder. 

“You are my inspiration and my folly,” he recited, voice thick with tears, “You are my light across the sea, my million nameless joys, and my day's wage. You are my divinity, my madness, my selfishness, my transfiguration and purification. You are my rapscallionly fellow vagabond, my tempter and star.”

Jeremy buried his face in Ryan’s neck, pressing a kiss there.

“V-Vagabond has a nice ring to it,” He sniffled, trying to pretend he wasn’t totally emotionally compromised, “And you’ll need a codename, you know.”

Ryan snorted.

“That’s not gonna stick,” he scoffed.

It did.

“Jeremy, can we...you said after...we were going to have sex,” Ryan mumbled.

Jeremy leapt out of the chair to start dragging Ryan to his room. They were messy and desperate as they ripped each other’s clothes off, stumbling toward Jeremy’s bed. Jeremy pushed up between Ryan’s legs and leaned over him to the nightstand, where he fumbled around for the lube he kept inside.

“Jeremy,” Ryan whined.

“Damnit, I just remembered I put my lube in my jacket,” Jeremy grumbled, “‘Cause I kept running into you.”

“W-Was I still wearing it when we came in?” Ryan squeaked. 

“Uhh...” Jeremy helpfully provided.

After a quick glanced around the room, he grunted in annoyance.

“I’ll just use spit,” he grumbled, “You’ll just have to take it.”

Ryan’s entire body shuddered and flushed as he puffed out a breathless moan. Jeremy grinned as he stuck his fingers in his mouth to coat them in saliva. The red of the blush contrasted beautifully with the dried black paint still on Ryan’s face. 

Tears leaked out of Ryan’s eyes as Jeremy pressed a finger inside him. The tears rolled down his temples into his hair, leaving clean streaks through the paint. Ryan choked and a flood of tears poured down his temples. Jeremy’s eyebrows came together.

“Are those bad tears?” He questioned, halting his fingering, “That doesn’t look like only pain tears. Are you alright?”

Ryan nodded.

“P-Please k-keep going,” he mumbled.

Jeremy did, but he leaned over Ryan to kiss him gently.

“What is it?” He coaxed, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

He caressed Ryan’s cheek.

“I-I’m just happy!” Ryan cried, “I-I think I...m-maybe I love you?”

Jeremy’s eyes went wide and his face red.

“I-I...m-me too, I-I think,” he mumbled.

Their eyes darted away from each other, embarrassed and Jeremy returned focus to fingering him. Ryan trembled and he gripped the sheets tightly. After he got three fingers in Ryan and spread them, Jeremy couldn’t wait any more.

“Okay, I’m fucking you now,” Jeremy growled.

He pulled back and spat on his hand to rub it over himself as Ryan shuddered again. Ryan bared his teeth as Jeremy pushed in, groaning miserably. He reached for Jeremy who leaned over him to let him grip at his shoulders. Jeremy grabbed the headboard as he pushed fully into Ryan who was panting and groaning.

“Oh god,” he moaned breathlessly, “I-It hurts so bad!”

Jeremy winced, worry squeezing his heart. He started to pull away, to ask if he was alright, but Ryan’s fingernails dug into his shoulders.

“Don’t you fucking dare pull away!” He growled.

Now it was Jeremy’s turn to shudder.

“Masochist,” he teased as he moved, rocking back and forth, “How bad does i-it have to be for you t-to lose your boner?”

Ryan blushed furiously, looking away from him.

“Sh-Shut up!” He huffed, “Fuck me already!”

“As you wish,” Jeremy laughed.

He pulled back and snapped forward and Ryan cried out, gripping at his shoulders. Jeremy left a string of dark marks across his collarbone as he thrust into him at a no doubt alarming pace. The bed rocked into the wall and they fell silent for a moment. 

“J-Jeremy, are we boyfriends?” Ryan grunted.

“Wha?” Jeremy muttered, _very_ distracted, “Oh, uh, i-if you wanna be.”

“I do,” Ryan mumbled.

“Then we are,” Jeremy answered.

They fell silent again and all Jeremy could think was “I have a boyfriend!!” He reached down to jerk off said boyfriend, smiling to himself. His hand moved as quickly as his hips and Ryan cried out as he came over his own belly. Jeremy let go of him to shove his leg up and fucked into him, moaning and panting until he finally came.

He collapsed over Ryan, trying to catch his breath as he pressed kisses all over every available patch of skin. Ryan was a bit dazed, having just had his brains fucked out.

“You have a crush on me~!” Jeremy teased as he leaned over to grab wet wipes.

Ryan covered his black and red face. 

“Sh-Shut up!” He groaned miserably, _“You_ have a crush on _me!”_

Jeremy laughed as he cleaned him up and moved to lay beside him.

“Of course I do,” He snorted, “You’re pretty, you can fight, and you’re a great lay.”

Ryan dropped his hands to give him an exasperated look.

“Dork.”

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“I do.”

~

The buzz on the mysterious black-haired stranger working with Fake AH turned into more than buzz very quickly. Rumors spread about his past (“I’m from Georgia, of course I know how to use a gun!”), about his blank expression (“I have resting bitch face when I’m very angry.”), and about his supposed inhuman ability with knives (“I dunno, I just got bored and thought it’d be fun to learn.”). Fake AH remained silent on the matter for some time. The mysterious stranger didn’t make a return appearance until several weeks later.

“Who’s the Jason cosplayer?”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow at the weapons dealer.

“That’s the Vagabond,” he answered coolly, “I would be wary of him if I were you.”

“Oh, why’s that short-stack, afraid you couldn’t reach him?” The dealer snorted.

“No, because I’m not his boss,” Jeremy muttered as he picked up one of the handguns and twirled it.

A knife whizzed by the dealer’s head, nicking his earlobe. The dealer jerked and hissed.

“So I can’t stop him from doing whatever he wants,” Jeremy finished, looking down the sights of the gun, “My advice? Never challenge a killer without a boss, friend.”

He twirled the gun again before putting it back down.

“So are we doing business or are you gonna keep testing his patience?” He questioned brightly.

Later, while Jeremy was fucking him against his bedroom door, Ryan suddenly remembered something.

“Shit, I forgot Geoff wanted me to be nameless,” he hissed, “You’re gonna be in trouble again.”

“I could give a fuck what Geoff wants,” Jeremy growled, shoving his face against the door, “Don’t talk about other men while I’m fucking you.”

“Yes, sir,” Ryan groaned.

Geoff was _very_ annoyed later, but Jeremy had little scratches all over his shoulder and back to show how little he cared. Ryan had hickies and bites all over his shoulders to show that he also couldn’t care any less. They grinned at each other as Geoff lamented that now he had to deal with both idiots instead of just the one.


	7. Chapter 7

Jeremy thought an anniversary was very Important, with a capital I. Or at least that’s what all the movies said. He purposely forgot to remind Ryan. He wanted to surprise him very romantically. He begged and pleaded for Geoff to allow him this favor. Geoff only agreed when he promised him he’d make money off the job.

When the time came, Jeremy froze. Everything was perfect. It was the same bank, the same day, and the same setup. The only difference was Ryan was on their side this time. But Jeremy froze, sudden panic flowing through him as they entered the bank. 

_Anniversary._ It was Important, with a capital I. He needed to make sure he didn’t fuck it up. He was such a klutz though, he was almost certain he would ruin it. He was so terrified of failing the anniversary that he accidentally completely succeeded in the bank robbery. Though his movements were stiff and he was definitely on autopilot, the bank robbery went exactly how it was meant to the year prior.

In his terror of ruining something so Important, with a capital I, he completely and uttered failed it. 

_Jeremy is confused! He hurt himself in his confusion!_

He covered his face with his hands as it burned brilliant red. _I completely fucked it up!_ He was prepared to wallow in misery for the rest of his days, but a foot poking his yanked him from the pit of woe. He looked up at Ryan who had removed the Vagabond mask and was smiling shyly at him. 

“Um, th-thank you,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the mask in his hands, “An-And happy anniversary to you too.”

Jeremy could’ve exploded. He very _patiently_ waited until they were back at Ryan’s place to shove Ryan up against a wall. Ryan went for his belt, but Jeremy pulled open his quicker while he distracted him by mauling his mouth with his own. Once he got Ryan’s cock out and in his hand, he sank to his knees to follow through with his plan. 

“J-Jeremy!” Ryan groaned as he closed his mouth around him, “I...I need to...t-talk to you.”

Jeremy pulled back off.

“Uh, now?” He grunted, “You sure you wouldn’t rather wait?”

Ryan covered his face.

“I-I want to move in with you!” He blurted.

Jeremy blushed, looking away from the dick in his face.

“Um, y-yes,” He answered, “I-I mean, I-I want that t-too.”

“Good,” Ryan squeaked, “C-Can you keep going now?”

Jeremy grinned.

“What do you say?” He teased as he stroked Ryan’s cock.

“P-Please, sir!” Ryan cried behind his hands.

“Sometimes I have to stop myself from laughing on jobs, you know,” Jeremy taunted, “Mighty Vagabond, so scary, but he blushes, calls me sir, and begs me to fuck him.”

Ryan choked, a shudder rippling through him.

“Oh and he cries like a little kid,” Jeremy added.

“J-Jeremy!” Ryan whined.

“Uncover your face and look at me,” Jeremy ordered, “And tell me how bad you want to get off.”

Ryan whimpered as he lowered his hands. The black paint around his eyes was running down his blushing cheeks from his tears.

“P-Please, sir, I-I really wanna cum,” he mumbled, tugging at his jacket sleeves.

“Damn, you’re pretty,” Jeremy breathed, in total awe. 

Ryan covered his face again as Jeremy put his mouth on him again. He groaned as Jeremy pushed forward, choking as Ryan’s cock hit the back of his throat. Ryan’s hands went to his hair, gripping tightly as Jeremy swallowed around his choking, forcing Ryan down his throat. Ryan shook and cried Jeremy’s name as his nose pressed against Ryan’s shaved skin. 

Jeremy loved this part of fucking Ryan. When he was so utterly desperate the only things that could come from his mouth were “fuck” and “Jeremy”. _So beautiful._ He palmed at his own cock as he pulled back to grasp Ryan’s. He sucked and Ryan cried out, jerking forward. Jeremy was so in love. Jeremy moved with purpose now, wanting to get to the part where they cuddled up afterward. 

Ryan almost got his dick bit off when he came, collapsing as he pulsed, hips stuttering into Jeremy’s fist and mouth. Jeremy jerked backward off of him to avoid doing just that as he dropped. Jeremy grinned at his slumped body, _very_ pleased with himself. He nuzzled into Ryan’s neck.

“I just want you to know,” he murmured, “I’m sure now. I definitely love you.”

“Me too!” Ryan cried into his shoulder, holding him tightly.

~

Jeremy never expected such a serious conversation to start so casually. Though later he supposed he probably should have, considering how bizarrely they did most things.

“Jeremy?” Ryan called quietly.

Jeremy hummed to signal he was listening.

“How do you feel about kids?” Ryan asked.

Jeremy frowned at the gun he was cleaning.

“They’re alright, I guess,” he grunted, “They can be annoying. Especially if they’re not related to you. But they’re pretty cute sometimes too.”

“Have you ever...thought about having some?” Ryan pressed.

Jeremy shrugged.

“I mean, sort of?” He muttered, clicking the pieces of the gun back together, “I think about it, but then remember I’m gay and it’s not gonna happen naturally.”

He put the gun down and picked up the next one.

“There’s always adoption,” Ryan pointed out.

“Yeah, that would be better anyway,” Jeremy admitted, “I know what it’s like being in the system, I should definitely be open to adopting.”

He paused glancing up from the gun. He smiled lightly.

“Yeah, I should adopt,” he concluded, “I could help some kid like me have a family.”

He returned to cleaning the gun and they fell into silence again.

“Jeremy?” Ryan called softly.

Jeremy hummed again.

“Will you marry me?” Ryan asked, voice quiet.

“Of course,” Jeremy muttered, not looking up.

It took him a few seconds to register what just happened and he suddenly dropped the parts of the gun in shock. His head whipped up to look at Ryan who was blushing, staring down at the knife he was sharpening.

“Y-You wanna get married?!” Jeremy demanded, “To _me?!”_

Ryan’s blush worsened and he nodded, unable to look up. 

“K-Kids, y-you want to have kids with me too?!” Jeremy realized.

Ryan nodded again.

“I-If that’s something you’d be into,” he mumbled.

“Yes! Yes to both!” Jeremy exclaimed, “Let’s make kids right now!”

Ryan looked up with a frown and had enough time to widen his eyes before Jeremy tackled him to the floor.

“J-Jeremy, th-that’s not how it works!!” Ryan huffed.

“I believe in the power of love,” Jeremy insisted, kissing Ryan’s neck, “Plus you’d be so pretty all swollen up.”

He pulled back to rub at Ryan’s stomach. Ryan blushed, covering his face.

“Shut up!” He cried, “I can’t get pregnant!”

“Awe, but we should at least try!” Jeremy pouted, “Actually, we’ll have to try later. I’ve accidentally stabbed myself, jumping you.”

Ryan sat up in alarm and Jeremy shifted to show the knife he’d been sharpening now stuck in his guts.

“Jeremy!”

“Heh heh, oops.”

Jeremy very happily told Gavin he was going to be a dad when he showed up to patch him up.

“What, Ryebread’s pregnant?” Gavin questioned.

“I’m cis!” Ryan shouted from the kitchen.

“We’re gonna adopt!” Jeremy answered cheerfully.

“Do you think they’ll let you?” Gavin scoffed, gesturing to where he was stitching Jeremy’s wound, “He stabbed you.”

“I did not!” Ryan huffed as he came into the room, “He threw himself on the knife.”

“You know, if it was anyone else, I might doubt that,” Gavin snorted.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!” Jeremy demanded.

“It means you’re a clumsy idiot around Ry,” Gavin answered, “Stop moving around.”

“Oh and we’re getting married!” Jeremy suddenly remembered, “I’m gonna have a wife and a kid!”

“Husband,” Ryan corrected, frowning at him, “But you’re not gonna have either of you don’t stop squirming while Gavin fixes you.”

“Can we get married today?!” Jeremy exclaimed excitedly.

“No, we have stuff to do,” Ryan grumbled, “Well, _I_ do. You’ve gone and injured yourself, so you’ve gotten out of work. We can get married tomorrow.”

“Yay!” Jeremy cheered.

“You are such a dork, Lil’ J,” Gavin snorted, as he finished up,“There, all done. Shall I tell the others about you two getting married?”

Jeremy looked at Ryan.

“I’ll see them later today,” Ryan answered, “I’ll tell them myself.”

Jeremy grinned brightly at him.

“We’re making a family!” He cried happily.

Gavin chuckled and bid them farewell. Ryan held Jeremy for some time while he cried happy tears.


	8. Chapter 8

“What the fuck do you mean it’s denied?!” Ryan demanded, slamming his hand on the counter.

Jeremy squeezed his own bicep.

“Sorry, but you need valid ID,” the clerk grunted, “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Valid ID,” Ryan repeated, looking back at Jeremy, “Jeremy, why didn’t you say?”

Jeremy shifted nervously. 

“I-I didn’t realize...” he mumbled.

Ryan sighed, turning to leave. Jeremy trailed after him miserably. Fake IDs, as it turned out, did not fly at the County Clerk’s Office. The ride was quiet. Uncomfortably so.

“Can Jack forge a birth certificate?” Ryan wondered.

Jeremy shrugged.

“I dunno, she’s never said anything like that,” He answered, “But she’s pretty good. Maybe? Why?”

“You need a birth certificate to get a legal ID,” Ryan explained.

Jeremy brightened up.

“Y-You still want to?” He asked.

Ryan glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Duh?” He grunted, “It’s a little more difficult. That’s the tagline of our romance story, Jeremy. We make it work. Besides, we have to be married to adopt. No one will approve boyfriends to have a kid.”

Jeremy sniffled, burying his face in his hands. 

“I-I j-just assumed ‘cause everyone always-n-no one stays!” He cried, “I-I thought you would g-give up!”

“Jer, it’s been three years of this, do you really think a difficult marriage license is going to stop me?” Ryan snorted, “Don’t!”

The last was snapped out as Jeremy started to grab him to hug him.

“I’m driving!” He reminded him.

“S-Sorry!” Jeremy sobbed, “I love you!”

“I love you too, dork,” Ryan laughed, ruffling his hair. 

Jack, as it turned out, could forge a birth certificate. But Jeremy, as it turned out, _couldn’t_ pass a driver’s test. He sighed heavily in the passenger seat as Ryan drove him from another failed test. He squeezed Jeremy’s arm.

“It’s okay,” he assured him, “I’m still not giving up.”

Jeremy wiped at his tears.

“You’re an idiot,” he huffed, “I’m not worth the trouble.”

“Don’t make me slap you,” Ryan grumbled, “Of course you’re worth it.”

Ryan was a terrible driving instructor, but Geoff was surprisingly good. Jeremy worked with him for nearly two months learning how to drive a car normally, rather than like an insane person. Anxiety had him failing the first test after all that, but Ryan kept encouraging him. 

“You’re just nervous,” he assured him, “You can do it. I know you can.”

Jeremy passed the second test. He squealed as he leapt into Ryan’s arms afterwards

“What did I say?” He teased.

“We’re gonna get married!” Jeremy shouted excitedly.

“Yes, yes we are,” Ryan laughed, hugging him tightly.

Jeremy impatiently waited for his driver’s license and as soon as they got it in the mail, he drove them to the County Clerk’s Office himself.

“What the fuck do you mean it’s denied?!” He demanded, slamming his hand down on the counter.

“We’re not required to approve same sex couples,” the clerk sneered.

Ryan stiffened next to Jeremy and his expression went blank. Jeremy grabbed his arm.

“No, no, no!” He hissed, “We can go to a different clerk. Or something, I think? I-It’s okay, baby.”

Ryan’s fists were clenched.

“After all you went through for this,” He whispered, “This man thinks he has the right to deny us?”

Jeremy tugged him away from the office.

“It’s okay,” he repeated, “We’ll figure something out. Maybe we can go to a different county?”

“I’m going to kill him,” Ryan stated simply, “Then any clerk who denies us after him. No one is stopping us from making our family.”

Jeremy teared up, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“That’s so sweet and romantic!” He sniffled.

It took Ryan a moment to shift out of Vagabond mode and hug him back. 

“Romantic?” He snorted, “How fucked are we that that is actually romantic?”

“Really fucked,” Jeremy answered.

“Well, as long as we’re self-aware,” Ryan joked.

~

Finally, after nearly a year of getting everything properly in place, Jeremy and Ryan were in a church. Well, more of a tiny one-room chapel. The entirety of Fake AH, including all the b team members and behind the scenes guys, were in the pews. Gavin stood behind Jeremy as his best man and Ray behind Ryan as his. 

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Jeremy Dooley and Ryan Haywood,” Matt spoke from where he stood beside them, “Does anyone object? If you do, prepare to get shot or end up with a knife in your eye.”

There was a pause wherein the room chuckled.

“Wise choice,” Matt commented, “Are the two of you ready to fully promise yourselves to each other?”

“We are,” Ryan and Jeremy answered.

“Then, Jeremy Dooley,” Matt began, “Do you take James Haywood to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and health, in peace and battle, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

“I do,” Jeremy answered.

“And do you James Haywood,” Matt continued, “Take Jeremy Dooley to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and health, in peace and battle, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

“I do,” Ryan answered.

“Who bears the rings?” Matt questioned.

Ray and Gavin stepped forward, pulling the rings out and passing them to Jeremy and Ryan. 

“Exchange your rings now,” Matt instructed.

Ryan slid the ring on Jeremy’s finger and Jeremy returned the favor.

“With your family as witness and with the authority vested in me by the state of San Andreas I pronounce you two joined in marriage,” Matt concluded, “You may now kiss your husband.”

Jeremy threw his arms around Ryan’s neck to kiss him firmly while their family cheered. Ryan smiled against his lips.

When Jeremy tripped and fell on the way out, even _he_ wasn’t that surprised by it. He was very annoyed at the crack of his nose breaking, though. Ryan laughed entirely too hard at Jeremy’s misery as Gavin set his nose. 

“Why is loving you so painful?” Jeremy huffed.

“Hey, I have nothing to do with that,” Ryan argued, “I’m an innocent bystander, you’re the idiot.”

“Rude,” Jeremy grumbled, “I mean, it’s true, but it’s still rude. Let’s go to the hotel and make babies now.”

He grabbed Ryan’s hand and dragged him toward the car as everyone waved them off. 

“Jeremy, I can’t get pregnant!” Ryan repeated for probably the hundredth time.

“I got a good feeling about this one,” Jeremy insisted as they pulled out from the church.

“Idiot.”

“What should we name them?” Jeremy prompted, “Oh, we could name them James!”

“What if they’re a girl?” Ryan pointed out.

“Jaime,” Jeremy answered.

“I dunno, it seems weird to name them after only me,” Ryan muttered, “James Jeremy?”

“Or Jaime Jemma,” Jeremy added.

“That’s a lot of Js,” Ryan snorted.

“Well, I’m open to suggestions,” Jeremy laughed.

Ryan was quiet a moment.

“How about Angel?” He finally suggested, “It’s unisex.”

“Angel,” Jeremy repeated, trying it out, “Yeah, I like that. Angel. Then they’ll still be named after you.”

Ryan blushed deeply.

“Sh-Shut up!” He grumbled, “Asshole.”

“What about Angel Phoenix?” Jeremy suggested, “I always thought Phoenix was a badass name.”

“Angel Phoenix Dooley,” Ryan recited.

“Angel Phoenix Haywood sounds better,” Jeremy countered.

“Angel Phoenix Dooley-Haywood,” Ryan offered, “What a name.”

“I love it,” Jeremy laughed, “It’s perfect. Well, there’s the hotel, time to make an angel.”

Ryan shook his head.

“We’re gonna get divorced before the marriage is finalized if you keep that up,” He snorted.

Jeremy grinned at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow's the last chapter, dudes. We're moving onto great things~!


	9. Chapter 9

Jeremy swallowed nervously as he sat on the floor cross-legged. The baby looked up at him from where they were chewing on a plastic block. Their big, innocent eyes sliced into Jeremy’s soul. It was way different to see them in person than it had been looking at the photos.

“Uh, hi,” He greeted, “My name’s Jeremy.”

The baby just blinked at him blankly.

“That’s a pretty tasty looking block,” Jeremy commented nervously.

The baby moved, tumbling forward a bit and Jeremy’s hands instinctively reached out. He hesitated as the baby crawled toward him. They made it to his leg and one pudgy fist gripped his pant leg as they pulled themself up, reaching toward him. He watched in bafflement as the baby climbed into his lap and gripped his shirt tightly.

“Ah,” they eloquently informed him.

“Um, ah?” He offered in return.

“Ah!” They proclaimed.

Jeremy carefully took hold of the baby and lifted them into his arms the baby tugged at his ear.

“Ow,” He grunted, “That hurts.”

“Ah,” the baby answered.

Jeremy laid back and lifted the baby into the air. The baby wiggled around and giggled. Jeremy smiled. He was totally smitten. 

“Jer?” Ryan called softly, poking his head in, “How’s it going?”

“They’re an angel for sure,” Jeremy called back, “Look at them flying.”

He gently moved the baby in the air, grinning as the baby giggled. Ryan laughed as he came in and sat beside them. The baby looked at him curiously.

“Ah,” they greeted.

“H-Hi,” Ryan returned, “I-I didn’t expect you to look at me. Hello!”

“This is the one,” Jeremy announced, “I’m gonna be your dad and that’s your mom.”

He turned the baby slightly toward Ryan who blushed. 

“I’m not your mom,” He huffed, “Don’t listen to your dad, he’s an idiot.”

“Rude!” Jeremy grumbled.

The baby reached toward Ryan who eagerly reached back. Jeremy passed the baby off to him and sat up. The baby tugged on Ryan’s ear too.

“Ow,” Ryan grunted.

“Ah,” the baby answered.

Then they promptly farted very loudly. Jeremy had to slap his hands over his mouth to stop from bursting into insane laughter that would no doubt startle the baby. Ryan threw him an unamused look then looked at the baby with a stern face.

“Did you poop?” He grumbled, “You know I’ll never hear the end of it if you did.”

“Ah,” the baby said in reply.

“Oh my god, they’re perfect,” Jeremy wheezed around giggles. 

Ryan just shook his head, exasperated. 

“Now there’s two of you,” He muttered, “I’m outnumbered.”

~

“Awww!” Gavin squealed, “So cuteeee!”

“Ah,” Angel answered, chewing on their fist.

“Don’t chew your hands, Angel,” Ryan chided, producing the teething ring, “Here, chew this.”

“Ahm,” Angel answered as they stuffed the toy in their mouth.

“Aw, you’re so cute!” Gavin repeated, “How’s your grip, huh?”

He held out a finger and Angel gripped it tightly.

“Very good!” Gavin praised, “And look at your eyes, so alert!”

Angel reached for his ear.

“Angel, we talked about this,” Ryan grumbled, pushing Angel’s arm back down, “No ear-pulling.”

“Mm!” Angel whined around the ring.

“Alright, budge up, Gav, the rest of us wanna say hi,” Geoff grunted.

He promptly shoved Gavin aside. 

“Hi, there,” he greeted cheerfully, “You should know you’re adopted. No way these two could make such a cutie.”

He booped Angel’s nose and Angel giggled, grabbing at his hand. Ryan caught the toy as it fell and Angel chomped down on Geoff’s inked fingers. Well, chomped as well as they could with no teeth. 

“You like my ink, huh?” Geoff laughed, “Some day you can get your own. As long as your dads don’t get tight-assed about it.”

“Geoff!” Jack hissed, “Don’t curse in front of the baby!”

“It’s okay,” Jeremy spoke up, “They’re gonna be around it anyway.”

“Jer, take them, will you?” Ryan grunted, “I gotta pee.”

Jeremy took Angel who whined at losing Geoff’s fingers as a chew toy. Michael distracted them by tickling their belly. They giggled and squirmed in Jeremy’s arms. 

“How old are they?” Michael questioned, “I sort of assumed you’d adopt a fresh one.”

“A fresh one?” Geoff snorted.

“Angel turns one in a month,” Jeremy answered, tugging their fist from their mouth, “Don’t do that or I’ll be in trouble with your mom.”

He gave them the ring. 

“Don’t tell him I called him mom again either,” Jeremy whispered conspiratorially.

“I heard that, Jeremy,” Ryan grumbled as he rejoined them, “The two of you are lucky you’re so damn cute.”

“Ahm!” Angel answered around the ring.

“Ahm!” Jeremy agreed.

Ryan smacked his own forehead and shook his head while the others laughed. Jeremy grinned widely. All around him was peace and warmth. _Family._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end once again, darlings~! I really enjoyed writing this and thank you to all the lovely commenters, you guys were really consistent on every chapter and I can't thank you enough for the feedback! Please follow me @1stworldmutant on twitter to find out how to get the new stories a day early by donating. Tomorrow we're moving onto a sorta generic FAHC au with Jeremy and Ryan and a poly au with cat shapeshifters Ryan and Jeremy and regular human Michael. Soooo see you then!   
> As always, my your paths stay lit, little stars!!


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